2 Simple Ways to Embrace Your Shadow Self
We often fear the shadows- the aspects of ourselves that we deny and hide from society.
Maybe we're too embarrassed about our singing voice, secret love of baking, or hidden talent of painting miniatures. Maybe we're ashamed that we take charge and are ‘bossy'. Or perhaps we even go to great lengths to avoid admitting we're jealous.
Somewhere along the way, we deemed some of our own traits as unacceptable or negative. We hid them away from ourselves and others. We learned that these traits meant something was wrong with us, that we're not lovable or deserving.
This collection of repressed characteristics is known as the shadow self.
First described by psychiatrist Carl Jung, the shadow self, while kinda intimidating, can become an incredible ally along your healing journey. Think about the parts of yourself that you don't like to admit. Okay, now think of the parts you really don't like to admit. Maybe even can't yet admit: Controlling? Lazy? Know-It-All? Stagnant? Angry? Hateful? Materialistic?
The secret to doing shadow work is to be honest and loving…towards yourself. This is deep healing, friends! It's all about acceptance. I've been at it for most of 2020 and despite the immense challenges, it has taken my self-care to the next level.
Why do shadow work? When you can love alllll of you- strengths + weaknesses, darkness + light, you'll be living your most radiant life. You'll uncover the gold within. Your energy will go towards what matters- not towards hiding your shadow. Your confidence will increase. You will know when your dark side is strong-arming you into repeating old, negative patterns. And you will be able to choose to break those cycles.
By embracing the shadow self we practice inner healing that ultimately enhances our outer worlds.
Two ways to embrace your shadow (this is what's helped me!):
Explore The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford. You will learn who your shadow self is and how to love them. Don't forget the exercises at the end of each chapter. They may be challenging and take revisiting, but 100% worth it.
This week, each time you notice a shadow aspect arise, pause, thank the trait, and acknowledge when it has actually been helpful for you to have this trait. Again, this might be hard work!
Example: When you catch yourself comparing your life to another's, it could be jealousy at play. If you i.d. ‘jealousy’ as one of your shadow aspects, sincerely thank it for keeping you safe. Acknowledge jealousy as being helpful to you when you got that promotion or that raise…because jealousy likely propelled you to outperform your coworker who was also up for a promotion. Thank jealousy for getting you to where you are. But now, let jealousy go. When it arises, tell it, ‘I am safe, you no longer need to protect me.’
Lately the shadows I've been learning to love include:
Attachment- Do I need that wine, that tea, that second opinion every time I feel stressed/tired/indecisive?
Jealousy- Is measuring my own success against another person's success the correct metric?
Perfectionism- If I wait until all the I's are dotted, T's are crossed, and everything is neat + tidy, will my message have as much meaning as it would if it was raw + real?
(The answers to the above, btw, is NO!)
Have you had any moments of loving your shadow self? I'd love to know! Email me at info@birchstoneapothecary.com
Remember- there is no ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ See yourself for all that you are. And love that person.